My May baby

Kaden's birthday fell on Saturday this year which meant we started the morning off with a baseball game.  When we arrived he announced enthusiastically, "It is my birthday today, which means we have birthday power so WE ARE GOING TO WIN!"  The first two innings didn't seem to agree with that, but by the bottom of the third that birthday power kicked in and in the closest most nail biting game yet the cardinals pulled out the win. 

Kaden hit a double and stood on the second base with arms raised in the air for at least 10 seconds. I love that kid, his joy, and his complete unabashed enthusiasm. 

Kaden played his best game yet and was given the game ball at the end of the game. I don't think any present could have topped that. He called both sets of grandparents on the way home and it is possible he had never been so excited in his life, and that my friends is saying something.

Later that afternoon we had a water bash at our house. Friends, water guns, pizza, and yoshi cake it was better than Disneyland in his book. 

Side note: These cake balls were a nightmare to make, the humidity here does not agree with trying to keep chocolate dipped cake on a stick. 

My May baby,

  8 years ago on May 29th at 3:15 my water broke. I sat in the bathroom while your dad frantically ran around the apartment trying to gather items (and himself). You were the best unplanned thing that had ever happened to me. You were the first to call me mama, my own personal crash course on motherhood. I had so many hopes and dreams for who you would be, and you have exceeded every one of them. 

 It has been 8 years since I first heard your precious cry and the doctors exclaimed "Wow! Look at those dimples." ( and it is true, those dimples shine through in almost all of your facial expressions) I think I was sure you would stay just that way forever,  I'm so glad you didn't and so sad too. Watching you grow into the person you are has been the most rewarding, and heart wrenching thing. I think the hardest part of being a mom will be letting my babies grow up, but you have been a kind and patient teacher. 

I hope your heart is always as full of kindness and joy as it is now. 

I hope you always cheer yourself on when you hit a double. 

I hope you know how loved you are. I think you do. 

Happy Birthday my 8 year old baby. 

xoxo- Mom

IV's and nebulizers and steroids... OH MY!!

Alternate title: Brielle's first ambulance ride
Warning: This post contains words like phlegm and vomit. If those things make you gag, probably don't read this. 

Tuesday morning started as most normal mornings do. Breakfast, morning chores, pack lunches, walk to the bus stop....puffy eyes? Sadly it took me til about then to realizes Brielle's eyes were a little extra puffy. Not enough to make me really worried but enough to make a mental note to "keep an eye on it".

Fast forward to lunch time, add sneezing and a runny nose to the puffy eyes. At this point I chalk it all up to seasonal allergies and the ridiculous pollen floating around Virginia's air. About 1 o'clock I gave her benadryl fed her lunch and put her down for a nap. She slept great woke up about 4 happy as can be ate two helpings of dinner that night and went out to play with the older kids outside while I cleaned up the kitchen.

Chris left to go to the church at about 6:30. Why do things like this always happen when he is not home? WHY?!

Around 7 Brielle came back in the house acting quite agitated.  I offered the usual, a drink, a snack, a cuddle... but nothing was helping and I couldn't figure out what she needed.  It was about 7:30 things got really interesting, she went for agitated to unconsolable and started violently throwing up. I lost track but I would guess there were about 6 or 7 rounds of vomiting. I was front row to it all and couldn't clean it up as fast as it was coming. It didn't seem like normal throw up either. It was super phlegmy almost like she had drunk a bucket of snot and was throwing it all back up. (Gross I know. Sorry, I warned you. ) The worst part was each time the vomit seemed to get stuck in her throat and she would choke on it for a few seconds before finally getting it all the way out. Once the vomiting spells calmed down to just small gagging I took her upstairs to put her in the tub. When I took her shirt off I noticed huge hives all over her belly and neck she immediately started scratching at them and pulling at her ears. It was about this time Chris got home. (welcome home honey) Once Brielle was in the tub she calmed down significantly. At this point it was about 8:30 and past her bed time, she looked exhausted. I pulled her out of the tub put her in pajamas and called the doctor. All of my mom senses said something wasn't right, but I didn't want to rush to the emergency room without at least running it by a doctor. I got the answering service and a lady promised I would hear back from a doctor soon. I waited, and watched her eyes swell more and her breathing slowly get more wheezy, I couldn't wait any longer I put her in the car and we headed to an after hours kid clinic.

(As a side note Brielle had a similar though MUCH milder episode about a week prior when I had given her Benadryl. I was worried she might be reacting to the Benadryl so didn't give her a second dose.)

To make a very very very long, emotional, stressful night short...

We got to the clinic, they took one look at her and gave her an epi shot, put her on a nebulizer to stop the "wheezing" hooked her up to an IV and a heart monitor and told me we would be transferred to the nearest hospital where she would be monitored for the next 18 hours.

Diagnosis- Anaphylactic Shock
Cause- unknown

The ambulance showed up and we finally made it to the hospital about 1:00am

After lots and lots of questions the doctors finally concluded the reaction was probably due to a bug bite. We will soon be headed to an allergist to have her tested for different bug venoms. A bee sting is what their guess is but without testing there is no way to tell. They also think that her first initial reaction started early in the day but was calmed by the first does of Benadryl. Often with anaphylaxis there is a post reaction 6 up to 17 hour later. In Brielle's case they think the night episode was a post much more severe reaction.

At one point in the question and answer sessions the doctor looked at me and said "good call brining her in, you probably saved her life." Which left me speechless. I don't ever like to think of my kids being that close to a life or death situation. -- Thanks, mom senses -- aka The Holy Ghost.

We left the hospital the next afternoon with 4 prescriptions and now have epi-pens on the ready.

I don't know that I have ever been so tired and grateful. Modern medicine truly is a gift straight from Heavenly Father, I know it.

I snapped a few pictures in the hours we were waiting for all the transfer procedure from the clinic to the hospital. Hands down the worst night of this little girls life.

She didn't really like the stickers on her belly.

Anyone touching her elicited ear piercing screams

The hardest part of the night by far was holding her while they put in the IV. It was traumatizing for both of us. 

She got yogurt and muffins for breakfast two of her favorite things

If any doctor or nurse walked in the room the next day they were immediately greeted with this look. She remembered all to well what they had done to her the night before. 

Daddy joined us the next morning after the older kids were in school. 

Addi was the only one who enjoyed any of this ordeal. She thought eating cereal in bed while watching Sheriff Callie was pretty much heaven. 

Nine

We celebrated our 9 year anniversary a few weeks ago. I usually try to snap a picture each year so after church (which was technically the day prior to our anniversary.) we headed into the back yard stood Kaden on a stool handed him my camera and hoped for at least one in focus picture. He didn't do too badly and we ended up with 3. The best part of the whole thing were his coaching comments, "dad your head is too far away from mom's", "mom I think your arm looks weird like that.", "okay give me a real smile". It was almost like he's had to sit and be coached through seven thousand and one pictures. Oh wait, he probably has. 

We spent our anniversary doing yard work and painting the deck. Which was REALLY romantic (sarcastic emoji) it was fitting though spending the day working together on our home, and more than once I stopped and thought, "Look at this life we've built together in just 9 years." It is pretty remarkable.

We did get a babysitter and go out for dinner, we talked about 9 years ago and 9 years from now and what we thought we knew then and all the hopes and dreams for the next 9, and 90 years. It's therapeutic I think, to sit and dream with the one you love most.

I love him for so many reasons. I could (and have written in the past) write a sappy gushy post detailing all the reasons he is my soul mate, and I do believe he is. But today I will just leave it at this, he picks up the broken pieces when I can't and keeps them safe until I am ready to be whole again. He makes all the hard things seem doable. He loves me like no one else can and even when it's 11:00 at night on our anniversary and he'd rather be asleep he still turns on Pandora and dances with me by the side of our bed. He is the one I chose 9 years ago and I would choose him again 900 times over. 

Take me out to the ballgame

We are thick in the middle of baseball season. I seriously underestimated the amount of time it would suck out of our weeks, and also just how much I would LOVE watching that little dude of mine out on the ball field. It has become one of the highlights of motherhood thus far, minus the gut wrenching anxiety I feel every time he gets up to the plate. 

It has been everything he ever hoped it would be. and even better his daddy joined as assistant coach. I am honestly not sure who's dreams were more fulfilled by that, Kaden's or Chris's. Probably a tie. He was very lucky to join an outstanding team with a great coach. I think I have mentioned before but almost all the boys on the team have been playing for years, and with this being Kaden's first season ever I was a little worried he might not gel with the team. My worries were (thankfully) for not.  He has made some great friends and has just had an all around awesome experience.

Kaden and Dominic 

 His new skill is sliding and he practices it every time he gets. 

 He is never afraid to cheer for teammates... or himself. 

Oh my heart.

I mentioned the anxiety above, but what I didn't mention were the absurd cries/shouts/screams when he hits that ball and takes off for first base. Once he has stopped running and I realize the scene I am making I shrink down into my chair and pray no one noticed me. (Right... like no one noticed the 5' 10" lady jumping and screaming like her son had just won the lottery and there was a brain sucking alien chasing him.) I don't know what takes over me, but the moment that bat cracks the ball I am just not myself. Don't worry I apologize to anyone sitting around me each and every time. Can't stop. Won't Stop.

 I have a feeling we have just started a long stretch of anxiety, uniforms, and crazy screaming mommas... and I couldn't be happier about it.

WHOLE 30

We did it. We took the plunge down the rabbit whole of Whole30. A no sugar, no dairy, no gluten, no legumes, no processed food of any kind way of eating. I bought the book It starts with food over a year ago. I read it. I was excited and I was totally overwhelmed at the thought of starting it all. So I put the book back in the drawer and let all of the information stew in my brain. I knew I would do it someday but I just couldn't muster up the gumption to do it then. Thanks to some interest from another friend in my ward my fire was lit again in April and I committed the month of May to Whole 30. I even convinced Chris to tag along for the ride. Which he did so happily (hashtag: I am going to DIE before June comes)

We are currently 10 days in, do I LOVE it? No. Not today, but ask me tomorrow, that might change. :)

The crazy thing about it all is that the food we are eating is good food, tasty satisfying food. Here is a little glimpse at a few of my plates from the past week.

Look pretty good right? Maybe even mouthwatering.

But let's be honest for just a moment. If I eat one more egg for breakfast I might barf. Tonight I made a pan of sweet potato fries sprinkled with cinnamon, what I really wanted to make was a GIANT batch of my chocolate chip cookies and then proceed to eat the entire bowl of dough before it even made it into the oven.

Week 1 was surprisingly easy as far as the cravings went. Would I have like to have ice cream with the kids, sure, but saying no was no big deal. My only complaint week one was how much time I spent preparing meals. Meal Prep is serious business with Whole 30 and I spend at least double my normal time in the kitchen preparing food.

Week 2 has kicked my butt so far. My fire is dimming and I am really tired of eating veggies for breakfast. My body is missing carbs and sugars and easy energy sources and I haven't really seen any of the promised benefits. But I am almost half way there and we all know I just love torturing myself to accomplish something I don't think I can do. (hashtag: I hate running and I signed up for a 10k)

So here is my pro's and con's list so far

Pro's

I am eating much healthier
I have zero guilt or regret about the food I am putting in my body
I have been pushed to branch out and try new recipes
My kids are eating healthier too by default


Con's

Eating this healthy is SO expensive. We spent half our monthly grocery budget on the first weeks shopping trip alone
I feel like I am cooking ALL THE TIME
I am tired...really really tired
Eggs for breakfast for 10 days in a row... yeah that's old
I can't eat cookie dough right now

So there is where I am at. The good news of it all is I hear the best part is yet to come. I think if I can make it 4 more days I will finally start seeing the beauty of it all and the Pro's list will grow exponentially.

I'll keep you posted.

xoxo- Jill

A forever event

I was lucky enough to be able to fly home for my sister Jenny's wedding in April. It was the first time  I have ever gone on a trip by myself since Kaden was born. I didn't anticipate how much anxiety it would cause. I had never left this set of big blue eyes overnight before and even though she was in the very capable hands of her daddy my stomach was still in knots all day long. 

 I made a quick stop at the library before I headed to the airport and stocked up on 3 new books to fill up all the alone time I would have traveling from coast to coast. 

 It was so fun to have some time to spend with just my sisters and family. We made sure to get our nails ready (shout out for 6 dollar stick on nails!... no seriously they are the best) and spent Thursday doing lost of last minute store runs for all the small details that were still needed. 

 We got up bright and early Friday morning and headed down to Provo to set up for the pre-wedding reception. We stopped at Costco on the way down to pick up fruit and flowers. It was a pretty tight fit with all the reception/wedding/Costco items and poor Heather had very little wiggle room.

We spent all afternoon hanging lanterns, placing table clothes and creating the perfect "Tangled" scene for our very own Rapunzle and Flynn Ryder. Hanging 50+ lanterns from the very tall church ceiling proved to be a challenge, but we pulled it off, with no time to spare.... and I needed time! We rushed to Aunt Betty's house down the street to get the bride ready. I worked like a mad woman but she was still about 15 minutes late to her own reception. We gave it a good try.

Saturday was THE BIG DAY! I curled and pinned and applied lipstick...and then reapplied...and reapplied. I filled two entire memory cards with pictures. It was such a good day. The weather was perfect, the bride was beautiful, it was a happy day and I was so glad I could be a part of it.

So moment of truth... I was terrified of Jenny's hair. It is so long and beautiful...and thin and fine and SO healthy that it doesn't hold a curl AT ALL. Originally she sent me a picture of this masterfully done braid with intricate loops and curls and things way above my talent level and her hair's capabilities. I told her I wasn't sure if I could create the exact picture but that I could create something beautiful, and then I just prayed I was right. :D Luckily with a lot of product and time we got some pretty good curls to hold and well, she is just so beautiful it didn't really matter what her hair looked like.

How lucky I am to be a part of this group, forever. It is such a beautiful truth, families are forever. I am so grateful to be a part of this eternal family and to have started my own eternal family just like Jenny did on this day. 

The trip ended all too soon and I was off on another plane back home. Leaving Utah has to be one of the hardest things for me to do. There are just so many people and things there that are dear to my heart. Distance has made my heart grow fonder...and my tear ducts overused.

Friends from Home

When I heard our good friends (and Layton neighbors) the Dickman's were moving out to the East Coast I was selfishly quite happy! It felt like a tiny piece of home was coming our way. They were headed to NC which put them only 2 hours away... which feels like our own backyard compared to being in Utah. 

We finally found a weekend to get together and they came up to stay for a couple of days. 

Taycee was in heaven with Stevie here. They played non-stop and had a hard time going to bed at night because they couldn't stop giggling together. Friends, together, at last! 

a giant bubble bath with swimsuits on

They left too soon, and we can't wait for our next visit!