A transformation

Before  I ever was a mom, I knew so much. (insert uncontrollable laughter) I had taken many a child development class and new just how each stage would play out with my own perfect text book children. Then I had my first precious little baby boy and I realized just how much I didn't know. I entered the school of motherhood and each child has brought with them their own class, tests, and learning. It's been a transformative process. 

However I dare say no child has shaped me in the way this princess has. Few things about her are textbook, and from the moment she was born she has pulled me into a world of defining growth. Each challenge we have crossed together has made me a little more humble, a little more empathetic, a little kinder, a little more sensitive to others, and a little more aware of just how precious this special one is. 

She has a way of making me consider things I never thought of as possibilities, and she has made me refine the gift of mother's intuition. I have watched her grow from such a tiny helpless state and I am constantly in awe at the fight that is in such a little body. She is a princess through and through but don't let that fool you, this girl is tough as nails. 

As we entered in the world of therapies last year I had many different "professional" opinions on just what was best for this little one of mine. It has been a tricky process sorting through the recommendations and none of them have ever really felt right, and I have learned the beauty in saying "as her mom, I just don't feel like that is the best thing for her". I have also learned to expect the questioning looks from the professionals who have taken the classes and know it all. To be fair, I do value their opinion and I do think they are quite knowledgeable in their areas, that is why we went to them in the first place. I also think that what they recommend is probably the best course for most kids. But she is not most kids, she never has been.  

And so we continue to grow and transform together. There is so much greatness in her, I see it every day. It is a privilege to be her mother and be able to grow with her. I have no doubt she is not done stretching my comfort zones and making me question the things about motherhood I was so sure I already knew. There is one thing, however, that I have known from the moment she was born and that knowledge has never changed. She is special, a valiant spirit sent here for a divine purpose. A daughter of a King. 

Double the pleasure, double the fun

I suppose one day these two ladies will not like celebrating their birthday on the same day. (Enter teenage years) Though perhaps I am wrong. Maybe they will always love having a party with double the friends and double the presents and double the fun.  

I will just have to hope they are always obsessed with the same things, to make birthday party themes as easy as this one was.

We invited every family in both of their primary classes over for hotdogs, cake, icecream, and fun in the water.

There ended up being way more older kids than little ones but the girls didn't mind. They love having friends to play regardless of age.

Phoebe attended the party as well and was thrown into the water by several offenders. I'm not sure how much she  enjoyed that but she didn't retreat inside so I guess it wasn't too bad.

When it came time to light the cake Brielle was all glares and serious faces. I am not sure why, but that girl did not have a smile to spare. Addison on the other hand fully enjoyed having so many friends singing to her.

So they are 4, and 2 now and sometimes I have moments when I can't remember when they weren't. At times I have to flip through old pictures to recapture the sweet tiny babies they used to be. They are fun, challenging, exhausting, hilarious, and so uniquely themselves. This duo, who came precisely 2 years and 2 days apart from each other keep us all on our toes, and we couldn't love them more.

To the baby

"Brielle can I have the phone?"... "No momma, I takka to dad go way peese"

Oh baby girl, you are all the things. You have officially entered the age of 2, and it has you firmly in it's grip. You have already mastered the scream and the tantrum and your new favorite phrase is "GO WAY MOM! GO WAY!" But then I hand you your sippy and you look at me with your huge blue eyes and say "dak ooo momma" with the sweetest little voice and I am yours...again. It a fickle thing being two.

You go at 115% ALL.THE.TIME. there is no slow or mellow in your world. You have a perfect knack for finding and usually destroying anything that isn't locked away. You hate shoes and are barefoot for most of your days. You adore your siblings, especially Taycee and run straight into her arms whenever you know you are in trouble. You have an excellent memory, once while we were at Addi's speech therapy the therapist pulled a bag of suckers out of a closet and gave you both one. Each week after that you would walk in the room and immediately go to the cupboard and say "teet peese?" Whenever you wake up before me you come and pull me out of bed "up momma up!" and then you hold my fingers and walk me into my bathroom because you know I always go potty before I go down to make breakfast. You are a lover of all foods and eat nearly everything put in front of you, though broccoli and carrots are probably your favorite. You will always eat those off your plate first and ask more.

Sleeping has become one of your least favorite things to do. At night you use to take your binki and blankie and snuggle down into your bed happily, now you scream anytime you come near your crib, though it never lasts more than 5 minutes before you are sound asleep. 

No is your new yes and the more adamantly I say it the funnier you find doing it.  If I say "I said no" your usual response is "I say yes!" Your favorite rooms in the house are the bathrooms and the amount of chaos you can cause in minutes would be quite impressive if I wasn't the one who had to clean them up. Although your sassy naughty moments come most readily to mind, you still have a very sweet side that shines through at times. Your kisses are the sweetest and listening to you learning how to pray melts me into a puddle. Your little voice is adorable and I love hearing you say "I tummin mama" when I call your name.  

Some of my favorite phrases from your vocabulary are

"Deelishal" -delicious

"wook at dat!"

"sit puppy sit"

"tumon puppy" followed by smacking your lips and patting your legs

"Hi Mommy, whata dooooin?"

"Um, my pone?" ( which you say in a sweet inquisitive voice whenever I find you hiding with my cell phone playing a game.)

Least favortie

"Go way mommy"

"Don't TOUCH ME!" (You especially like to yell this one during sacrament meeting)

"NO MOM"

This isn't really a phrase but whenever I do something you dislike you lower your head, furrow your eyebrows glare at me and pucker your lips while growling.  (It was really cute at first... that wore off fast)

When I asked you to stand still and smile you gave me the most annoyed look then waved your little chubby finger and said "no mom, no pichure" turned around and stormed away. 

Just so you know your dad was standing behind me and laughed. I will remind him of that in 14 years when this scene repeats itself. 

I love you baby girl with my everything, two year old tantrums and all.

xoxo,
mommy

While you are still 3

Addi Boo, 

I took these pictures today while you are still three. There is so much about you I wish to bottle up and keep forever yet I don't want you to stop growing because I find that with each new stage there is more still that I love, and if I were to keep you just this way imagine all things things I would miss.

I hope to remember the way you were fascinated with everything around you. Getting you to look at a camera was almost impossible because you were far to interested in the pinecones.

and the rocks

and the birds

and the ducks.

I hope I always remember that goofy grin you had whenever you actually did stop to say "cheese." 

Unless it was dad you were smiling at, he always gets the real smiles. 

I hope I remember the way you sing "twinkle twinkle little star" and always throw a little "ABC's" in the middle, and the feeling of your little arms wrapped tightly around my neck.  The way you say "I can't wike dat!" every time you see a vegetable on your plate and the way you hum while skipping around the house.  I'd like to bottle up the way you smile with your whole body, nodding your head and clapping your hands whenever something makes you happy and the perfect way your body still folds up into a little ball and fits right into my lap.  

You have stretched my mothering abilities, you have made me better. We didn't see the inside of one hospital or insta-care together this year (at least not for your behalf) which is such a huge improvement from the two prior. You are a fighter, and a lover too but I am always so taken back by the amount of fight you possess in that little 30 lb. body. You are always proving that you really can do anything you set your mind to. I have said it many times but I say it again, you are your own person. You do things in your own way at your own time. You still refuse to name colors but you speak spanish along with Dora, and ask dad to put you "arriba and abajo"  (up and down) when he is flying you on his legs. As we are navigating the world of therapies and pre-schools I am trying my very hardest to listen to my mommy instincts and do what is best for you. In a world where schools want everyone to be the same there is so much about you I hope never changes. 

Tomorrow you will be four, and so today I will try to bottle up the 3-year-old you that I love so dearly and then I will watch with anticipation for all of the joy your 4-year-old self will bring.

All my love baby girl,

mom

Great to be 8

I have been thinking a lot lately about the choices we make. The choices that define our moments, our hours, our days and ultimately our lives. The choices that seems so small yet impact so much and the choices that seem life altering and are just that. It would seem our existence dating back to even before our birth is all made up of the choices we make.

Kaden made a huge choice last week, probably one of the most important choices he will make and as his mom I couldn't be prouder. 

I find myself in awe of this little man a lot. I think back to my 8 year old self and am quite certain I wasn't nearly as knowledgeable or valiant as he is. He has such a desire to do right and make the best choices. I believe that our Heavenly Father is saving his choicest spirits to come to the earth in these final days and I can see it Kaden.

Kaden got to have his baptism all to himself which meant we were in charge of selecting speakers and music for the program. He asked his grandpas to speak grandpa Webre on baptism and grandpa Clayton on the Holy Ghost. Grandma Webre played the piano I led the music Uncle Huter and Grandma Clayton gave the prayers and Bro. Rosvall the second counselor in our Bishopric presided at the meeting.

We spent the morning packing up and returning home from the beach which made for a busy afternoon. I was so glad to have so many extra helping hands at home to get things ready and packed up for the church. My cousin Mckell and Devin and their family made the trip down from DC just for the baptism, which was so sweet of them. So grateful to have such awesome family.

There were lots of little hiccups in the day. We forgot the chrome cast to play the video during the time Kaden was changing after he was baptized. We left the ice cream for the desert bar at home. We were running a little late all afternoon. Kaden fell in the gym (after being asked several times to stop running) and tore a hole in his BRAND NEW $90 suit. (Okay so that was a big hiccup and I might have been right at breaking point)  I took a few deep breaths, reminded myself he was an 8 year old boy and in a very restrained voice asked him to go find a place to sit down and be reverent ... then I found him crab walking down the hallway. Lots more deep breaths.

However at 6:30 (after a very rushed dinner of pulled pork and watermelon) we all sat down for the program, me right next to my first baby, and none of those other little (big) things mattered. I was just so overwhelmingly proud of the person he is and is continuing to become. I am so grateful to be his mom, it is such a privilege to raise him (although often it feels like he is raising me) and watch as the strong valiant spirit inside of him shines through.

Kaden answered a few questions for me pre/post baptism about what and how he felt about the whole experience. It is pretty fun to hear about it all through his eyes. 

Sandbridge

Back in January I started making summer plans. I did this partly because I had just flown back from spending 10 days with family in Utah and the only way I could deal with being stuck back in Virginia was to plan our next time together and partly because I just really hate January so thinking warm summer beach months were just around the corner helped. 

We knew Kaden's baptism would be in June and family would be flying out for the occasion so what better way to spend that time together than at the beach?! After a few weeks of searching for different deals on condo's and beach houses I finally found what I thought to be the perfect option and we booked it. (It had to be during the last week of school because summer rates started the week school let out and the extra 1,000 dollar charge didn't seem worth it)

It was a great week, the best week. To be in such a beautiful place and have so many people we love with us... well to me it just doesn't get any better. The ocean speaks to my soul and I could spend all day sitting by the waters edge listening to the waves crash. (except for the fact that I have 2 small children who will in no way allow that.) 

We arrived Monday night, mom dad and Hunter joined us Tuesday and Kelly and Claudia came for the final 2 days.  We soaked in lots of Vitamin D, went through several cans of sun screen, caught approximately 78 sand crabs and ended every night in the condo's swimming pool. Our time came to a close way way way too soon and I am already planning for our next trip. 

I spy a grandpa with a handful of wet sand headed directly for Kaden. 

My mom's most favorite spot

Addi caught her very first wave boogie boarding this trip. She loved it and even though she crashed a few times she would always jump right up and ask daddy to take her out again. 

These crabs were the big hit this year. We caught 5 or 6 of them through the week they ranged in size. This one was probably the biggest, about the size of a baseball. 

Grandma found a shell...uh I mean a walrus tooth...it's a good look I think. 

Our condo was only minutes away from the beach so we were able to come back for lunch every day. The sunshine and water wiped poor Addi out and she didn't even get to take a bite of her sandwich before she fell asleep with her head against the counter. 

A more comprehensive review of the week. 

https://youtu.be/ZGLh-xUsiJw

The Whole 30 in review

I am now 2 weeks post whole 30. Here are a few of my thoughts...

Am I glad I did it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably not.

It was something I had been wanted to do for over a year and I am glad I finally did it. I think it is a great way to become more aware of the types of food you are putting into your body. I loved knowing that every bite I was taking was a healthy choice. I found some new recipes and ways of cooking that I can implement into my every day. But it wasn't everything I hoped it would be. 

I'll start with the Pros: 

My family was eating healthier. My kids were consuming veggies at every meal.

I never felt weighed down my a meal

My tastes were quickly reset, things had more flavor, fruit was sweeter

By the end it was fairly easy turn down sweets

Did I lose weight? Yes, about 10 lbs. (Chris lost 15) I wasn't trying to lose weight though so that wasn't a big pro to me. 

Cons:

It was impossible to stay within our regular food budget.

I felt like I was cooking ALL THE TIME. I spent at least an extra 1-2 hour a day in the kitchen.

I felt extra tired. I kept waiting for the promised boost of energy but it never came.

I think for a person who has a really strong food addiction or a very strong food aversion this would be a fantastic thing to do. For me I feel like I ate fairly healthy, and my body handles most food pretty well. To be honest I didn't feel a much different health or energy wise through the whole30 than I did before I started. If anything I gained an unhealthy obsession with food. I was constantly thinking about what I would was eating next and obsessing over what was and wasn't okay to eat. There were several times I wanted to yell "YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME WHOLE 30" (read also: I don't do well with being told what to do)

Should you try it? Sure, if you want to. If you feel like you are in need of a healthy kick start to eating I think this great. If you are wanting to kick a sugar addiction definitely do this! 

I probably won't be doing a Whole30 again. I could see myself doing a whole10 especially after the holiday months when I am in need of a junk food intervention and want a solid jump start back to good food.

I believe in healthy eating. I believe your body functions better when you are putting good things into it. I don't think sugar is one of those good things. I also believe in moderation. 

So while the whole30 wasn't exactly my jam I will still be eating my veggies and cooking with healthy fats and cutting out needless sugars. I just might be doing it with a side of toast.... and maybe a cookie. :D