Fabulous Four

These kids. They are my lifeblood. My every day revolves around these 4 small, yet ever growing bodies. I start my day with their excited chatter and I kiss their cheeks each night before I go to bed. They make my days hard, and so easy all at the same time. Their success feels like my success and their tears often pull out tears of my own. They are the purpose to my days. Being, or rather becoming, a mom is constant and yet loving someone this much is so easy.

I had the strangest experience last week. I was at Kaden's baseball practice standing behind a group of other moms who were sitting on the bench chatting about their boys. "Oh, he was a complete accident. The product of a drunken night!" one mom said laughing. Another chimed in, "OH so was mine, (then with a giggle) but I didn't want to say it." Their chatter went on as they talked about how they couldn't bear to have another. Too much money, not enough time, work wasn't stable, the reasons were many and all the other moms nodded in agreement. They were almost speaking as if some plague had settled in on their home and they couldn't imagine having to go through any other malady. 

I. WAS. DUMBFOUNDED. 

Kaden wasn't planned. Let's be honest, NONE of my little ones were. (okay Addison was) They were all little surprise gifts sent from Heavenly Father. My body is very efficient at the baby making thing, or all birth control is very inefficient, but I digress. Life has not gone according to my timeline when it comes to babies but never have I viewed them as accidents. Surprises yes, unplanned perhaps, but each and every time when I held them in my arms for the first time I knew they had come precisely when they were suppose to. My heart was always thankful for this new tiny piece I hadn't known it was missing.  

Kids are hard. I could nod in agreement to that statement. They take work and time and tears, they cost extra money and make life unpredictable, but it's just so much more than that. Kids are joy! My kids make my laugh on the daily, they help me to see past the things that don't matter to the wonder of simple things. My kids stretch my limits and force me to learn and grow. They make me better. Each one has their own gifts and strengths and I love watching their unique personalities develop.

Kaden is a lover. He has the most tender of hearts. He doesn't mind a kiss on the cheek or an extra hug no matter the location. As he was getting on the bus one day he yelled "Bye mommy I LOVE YOU!!" Our neighbor who was standing by me asked if he was a momma's boy. I thought for a moment and said "He is an everyone's boy!" and it is so true. He loves everyone almost instantly. He is the happiest most excited person I have ever known. I often wish I could see life the way he does. His enthusiasm often gets the best of him and his teachers are always reminding him to raise his hands and lower his voice. Watching him start baseball has been so fun. He is determined and unabashed. He doesn't mind that all the other boys have been playing together for years, in his mind they are all the best of friends and they are all there to cheer each other on. He is the first one who made me mom and I couldn't have asked for a better teacher.

Taycee is my girliest tomboy. We went on a date last weekend to see Cinderella at the movie theater. She wanted to wear a princess dress complete with crown. I laughed as I brushed the leaves and twigs out of her hair so I could give her a princess hairdo. That is my Taycee, leaves twigs and dirt one minute and sparkles, heels, and lipstick the next. She is a doer and once she sets her mind to something nothing stands in her way. She got a pogo stick for Christmas and couldn't bounce more than 2 times in a row on it the first day. She practiced and practiced and practiced, and fell and fell and fell. In a matter of about 2 weeks she was bouncing all around the house on it. She is athletic and graceful, a tease and a nurturer, a sass and a sweetheart. She is the most perfect of oxymorons. If I ever need help she is the first one to come. She skipped going to the gym to stay home and help me clean the kitchen and make bread because "she didn't want me to do it alone." The babies adore her. They yell for "TEECEE" the minute they see the bus coming. Addison sleeps at the foot of her bed every night and make a mess of her covers but Taycee never complains when she makes her bed in the morning. She was sent to be the oldest sister and it suits her perfectly. 

Addison is the sweetheart of the family. Perhaps it is because she has dealt with so much in such a short time, or maybe that is just her personality.  She is my hardest in many ways though, she makes me reevaluate my mothering ability constantly. I worry that I am not adequate to give her everything she needs.  I find myself pleading on my knees constantly for guidance in teaching and helping her. She also provides some of the most tender moments I have as a mother. Last week she said her very first prayer on her own with no prompting or assistance. It was short and not every single word was understandable but it was a prayer and it was her own. My heart burst, I swallowed down the lump in my throat and then we had dinner. Addison is my greatest teacher in patience but also in love. There is something so sweet and Christ-like about her presence. Since she was a baby she has been gentle. When she was little and being held she would softly lay her hand against your cheek. She still does that at times when she is snuggling her daddy. She is the best cuddler. We often play a game where we are running away from a bear or something equally as scary because I love the way she wraps her arms around my neck and says "save me mommy! It's SCAWY!"  She is her own little person and she has always done things in her own way. Her newest phrase she says on repeat is "YES! I can!" and I have a feeling she just might.

Brielle is my baby who isn't. Somehow she went from a sweet little bundle to this roaring running rambunctious toddler. She is on the go all the time and never stops unless she is sleeping. She always has something to say and usually it involves asking for food. She is obsessed with shoes, dollies and her sisters. I still scoop her up every morning and snuggle into the crook of her neck while she giggles. She is feisty and full of life. She has mastered the eye roll at 20 months and when I tell her "no more crackers" her glare could compete with any teenagers. Her laughter truly is medicine and she is ticklish everywhere. Chris claims her most ticklish spot is her calf. She loves to dance but her most favorite place to be is "owshide" (outside) She sucks up all my energy and all my love right along with it.

These kids. These fabulous four are everything. And as I sat and listened to those moms talk about how they couldn't handle more I felt so sad at what they would miss out on. Watching them grow and learn is awesome, but watching them grow and learn together it is an unmatched happiness. They need each other just as much as I need them. They are what make our house a home. When I walked up to practice the next day with my 3 girls in tow one mom said "wow, you have your hands full!" and I thought, 
"Yes I do...and so is my heart!"