The up side of down

What a month we have had. So many changes. So many decisions, BIG life altering decisions. So many fears, so much help. So many prayers, so many answers. So so so many miles traveled!  I think between Chris and I we have traveled over 20,000 miles in the last 30 days.  

I knew it was all coming. Really nothing in the last little while has been unexpected. I knew we would be getting a job. I knew that job would take us far away from family. I knew we would have to go to an unfamiliar place and try to find a home. But I don't think I was prepared for the stress of it all. I like change. But big change for me constitutes chopping my hair off and dying it a different.  Color not moving 3,000 away from home. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

   Back in April Chris applied for a job with a chemicals company in Virginia. The same day he applied he received a call from one of their recruiters who went through a small phone interview with him. I remember him walking throug the door after work that day, he was SO happy. The work they were doing interested him a lot and the recruiter had shown a lot of intrest. She told him he was on a very short list of applicants she was going to recommend. Chris was ever so hopeful as we waited to hear more. and that is just what we did, wait, and wait and wait. At first he would touch base every 2 weeks to see if there was any new developments, but after 3 months we had all but given up on the possibility.

   The months of May through August were hard ones. Chris hit set back after set back with his graduate work and the defense date kept being pushed further and further away. Looking back now that it is all over it doesn't seem so tragic but at the time each setback came as a hard blow. Being on bedrest and having a a baby in the middle of it all added an extra set of challenges. The hardest reality though was that job offers were non existent. Chris had more job opportunities graduating with his bachelors than we did finishing up grad school. Of the 50 plus applications he sent in we heard back from 5 or 6 all politely rejecting his application. Intel in Oregon had a strong interest in him and wanted to fly him out to give him a tour and do a second interview. However they required a published journal article first. For MONTHS Chris worked on getting an accepted submission but every thing seemed to be working against us. His advisor went on sabbatical and took weeks to approve the submission, the journal lost his submission and had to restart the process 2 months later. The editor was slow to review. Etc. etc. etc. Graduation was quickly approaching and we had no options. All of the promised opportunity for his prestigious degree in a sought after field were no where to be found. Our dreams of having jobs to pick and choose from quickly faded into hopes of having any job at all. It felt as is all the time and money invested were for naught. 

   As a side note, back in July of 2012 we went in to get our temple recommends renewed. One of the sweet counselors in the stake presidency sat down with us and talked for awhile after the interview. During this time he asked us to take our recommends home and place them on the bed then kneel and pray together. He said to pray about whatever came to mind. He promised it would be a faith building experience. That night as we kneeled to pray my mind was taken to the big choices we had ahead of us. And I prayed for guidance in these choices. I specifically remember saying "please help the path we are to take to be clear before us. Lead us to the place that will be best for our family." 

  August came and the defense date was set for the 16th. There were still no offers to speak of. We had decided to move out of our home and in with Chris's parents in St George. We were in the middle of boxing up our bedroom when Chris received a phone call. I was knee deep in hangers clothes and Kadens old school work when he walked in the room beaming. The company in Virginia had called and they wanted him to interview the next day.  He passed the second phone interview with flying colors and they set a date for him two weeks later to fly out to Virgnina for a final interview on site. In the interm we finished packing up the house put it all in storage and moved to St George. Chris defended his thesis and and on the 28th of Aug he flew out for a 9 hour interview on site. They loved him, he loved them and we had a strong feeling we were headed to Virginia. Before we even received an offer we were in the temple and I was overwhelmed with a confirmation that Virginia was right for our family. I should have been happy to know where we were going and that it was a good place for us, instead I cried all the way home. I guess I'm not very good at this leaving home stuff.  

   

  It was no surprise that an offer came a week later. The offer wasn't spectacular, it was plenty for our needs but it wasn't what we were expecting to make. It felt right however and above all else that is what was important. That same night Chris got word his article was accepted for publication and intel contacted him to pursue the job process. Coincidence? I think not. I think that prayer offered up over a year ago was answered more literally than I could have imagined. Our way was made clear, there was no other way to go. We were led directly to this place and this job. For one reason or another other jobs were not made available. Would we have been strong enough to pass up other better offers if they had come before this one? I hope so, I hope that we could have been in tune enough to receive guidance and had the faith to wait on The Lord. But it sure makes it easier to be able to take the first offer given. And boy was our faith built. It was tested and tried and stretched first but in turn it was made stronger.

Once we accepted the job offer things got moving at full speed. We booked a flight to fly to Virginia 5 days later to find a house. I know I have said it before but we are so lucky to have families that are willing to step in and help whenever needed. Chris's sister Lisa came down with her little one and stayed the week to watch our three oldest. We took Bri and flew the 2,300 miles to the place we will call home. We looked at16 homes and on day 2 found a home we loved. We started negotiations on Thursday and had a signed contract Friday. We are so lucky to have my dad. Being a president of a credit union  he was able to pull a few strings to make buying a home possible for us. 

Because closing on a home takes awhile Chris will be heading out about a month before us. He is leaving his Friday to make the 3 day drive . He starts work on Oct 1st. as long as all goes as planned with the house, kids and I will fly out the first of November. Chris's company has been so good to us, they paid for the entire house hunting trip and they are paying for all of our relocation expenses. They are even covering a flight for Chris's mom to help me move out with the kids. We have been so impressed with them thus far and feel like we are going to really love working for them. 

And so the new chapter in our lives begin. I am trying to be positive about it all and focus on all the ups instead of dwelling on the downs. Virginia is a beautiful place, we had squirrels running through our front yard. We love the home we bought when we walked in we both felt like we were "home". There is so much history close by and some of the places I have most wanted to see are within driving distance now. I won't think about the place and people I am leaving behind because if I do.. I just might never go. 

So if your are looking for a place to visit I might recommend Virginia. We'll have a room ready. :) 

Paint Disaster

Let me set the scene for you, it was Friday. We were set to move out the next day. We were spending the day packing up boxes and moving them out to the storage shed.

Remember when I re-did the kids room like this?

 

 Well before we moved out we took down all the crayons and the kids drawings. I decided it would be nice of me to paint over the blue crayon streak in the corner so I got out the yellow paint. The paint cans were on top of the bunk beds that had not yet been moved out. The first few coats were applied and the paint cans remained on top of the beds.. with the lids on top but not closed.

Fast forward a few hours, the men decide to take them matresses to the storage shed and remove the paint cans putting them on the floor next to the wall.

Fast forward a few more hours. It is night time, the house is mostly done. I am in the garage getting the yard sale items put together, Claudia is upstairs vacuuming the bedrooms, Addi is also upstairs following grandma around. Grandma starts vacuuming out the window sill in the kids room. Then it happens. The worst thing that can happen to a house the night before you are to move out.

SHE FELL INTO THE YELLOW PAINT CAN

---

BOOM

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SPLASH

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Yellow paint all over the carpet. ( Grandma stopped to take a picture on her phone ;)

Grandma starts yelling for help. I am still in the garage and don't hear. Luckily Aunt Cass is outside the open window and comes running in Bri in arms. Between the two of them they get Addi into the tub without spreading the paint too much. (Although you can see her little yellow foot print above!) Poor Addi was hysterical, she could see everyone was really paniked and she knew it was her fault. It is a good thing Grandma was so calm with her or she would have really lost it.

 

We immediatly strting scooping it up and putting it back in the can. Unfortunately we had packed most of the house up so all we had was a sand box shovel, but it worked and we were scraping paint up by the shovel full. It was a sad sight. We ran to Wal-mart got a carpet cleaner and spent the next two hours dumping water and sucking it back out. By the time we were done the carpet looked pretty darn good. We thought we were in the clear. The next morning however was a totally different story. In the natural light of day the yellow wall didn't cast a hue on the rest of the carpet and you could very clearly see a big yellow spot on the carpet. We tried to clean it for another hour and finally gave up. Our landloards contacted us yesterday and said they were having a carpet guy come out to fix it. I am guessing we can kiss most of our deposit goodbye.

 

 

 Through it all I was amazed at how calm we all were. No one got angry,  no one raised voices. There was a lot of "Oh crap" and "you've got to be kidding" but mostly we just sighed and laughed at the horrible luck. We spent 3 years in the house with no major damage at all, and then the night before we move out we wreck the carpet. In hindsight I think I should have left the dang blue streak.

...2 months later...

2 months since this little angel enterd our lives.

 

oh how she has grown

 

 

She is such a little sunshine.

I know that all moms think this about their babies, as they should, but is she not the most beautiful thing ever? Pictures actully don't do her justice, I could sit and stare at her all day.

What is it about a newborn that is so captivating?

 

At 2 months old she is

 

-Sleeping 9-10 hours at night

-Eating 4 ounces every 3 hours

-Smiling when she makes eye contact

-Gooing and Cooing

She has been my most fussy baby but is still quite easy. For a few weekes she had a fussy hour from about 9:30- 10:30 but that has past. I think the main reason she fusses is because her poor digestive system is still figuring out just how it is suppose to work. She is incredibly gassy and only poops about once a week. I talked to the doctor about possible allergies or intolerances but for various reasons he think she just has a "more gassy" digestive system. Poor baby.
 
She loves to snuggle and be held. Which is perfect because I love to snuggle and hold. :D It does put a slight damper on getting things done however. She also loves her tummy, it is her favorite sleeping position, she is just like her mommy I guess.
 
At her 2 month check up she was
 
10 lbs -50 percentile
23.4 inches- 90 percentile
 
She grew 4 inches in 6 weeks, that has to be some kind of a record.  Basically she is really tall and skinny. Her BMI is like in the 4th percentile. She has moved onto 0-3 month clothing becuse she is just too tall for newborn. Unfortunately I didn't have the forsight to leave that clothing out so it is packed away in a box tucked safley in the very back of our storage shed. I guess there is an upside to moving, I will get her clothes back. :D
 
Love this little face.. what an expression.

Happy 2 months beautiful.

The Ride

I look at the calendar and I wonder how it got to be September. The last 3 months feel like a blur. I have been caught in this paradox of wants. I want time to slow down, I plead for more moments with a brand new baby laying on my chest and her larger than life spirit filling our home. In the same moment I am wishing for time to speed up so we can leave these months of stress, worry, and unknown behind and move on to the next adventure of life.  I want so badly to find the job and the place that is meant for us, and in the next instant I am wishing that we never have to leave and that family will always be a short car ride away (or as the current situation would have it a few stairs up) I want to lose all my baby weight and then want to stuff my face with peach dessert and peach shakes and peach cobbler... the later want always wins out... dang those peaches.

I am left feeling torn and often uneasy, but always grateful. So so grateful that we have such incredible families to miss. Grateful for that hansome man I get to keep that has worked so hard and acheived so much. Grateful for the hope and promise the future holds. Grateful for this extra time we have had to be around family. And most of all, grateful for the knowledge that there is One who is mindful of it all and has a plan.

We have learned much in the last 6 months of life if I were to wrap it all up into 5 points they would be

• We really can do hard things. All it takes is putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes we could take life in leaps and bounds but most of the time it was in inches... sometimes centimeters. And as long as you keep moving forward, even if it is only 1 centimeter, you will reach the end. Yes, we can do hard things
• Patience is hard, but the end is rewarding. We have had long lesson in patience. We have been told to "wait" far more times than I care to count. Somehow waiting always made the arrival of the long awaited object more rewarding.
• Life has a way of working itself out, even when you can't possibly forsee how. There were nights when I sat with tears streaming trying to plan and figure out just how we would make it through this summer. Yet, here we are past the summer happy, healthy, and moving on to good things. I couldn't see then the way the Lord would lead and guide, the people who would bless our lives and the lessons we needed to learn. But He did, and they did, and we did. And perhaps we are leaving this summer a little stronger, a little more faithful and a little more paitent than we started
• Children, they don't keep. They grow and change and adapt. They are resillient, and sometimes my very greatest teachers.
• We have really really good families, like the best there is. There is no possible way we could have made it through without them. They cleaned our house when I was on bedrest, they took the kids for weeks at a time, they helped box up the house, they helped move it all out, they made food, they comforted, they supported, they encouraged, they listened ( there is no better ear than a moms) and they are currently letting us live in their basement :) They were strong when we couldn't be, they fasted for us, prayed for us, and helped me throw a killer graduation party. ;) They were EVERYTHING we need them to be whenever we needed them to be it. -- Now do you see why the idea of moving away from them is so impossible?

Life has changed so much in such a short time, and the biggest changes are on the horizon. I am equally terrified as I am excited.

 

Because of the chaos of life lately I have slacked majorly in the pictures and documentation part of life. But these are good and happy times and I don't want to overlook these moments that we'll never get back.

 

 Addison has developed quite the personlity these days. Her nick namd should probably be changed from "Addi Boo" to "Addi tude" we are diligently trying to increase her vocabulary. But she seems to prefer the grunt and whine method of communication. grrr. Every once in awhile she whips out a word I've never heard her use and I am reminded that it is not a matter of if she CAN talk but if she WANTS to. She still has our hearts in her hands and makes us laugh a lot.

Taycee, oh my Taycee. I often have to stop and remind myself that she is 4, not 14. She is such a smart little bugger. She acts so much older than she is. Her new very favorite thing is doing her own hair. Using every clip and barret in the house is her specialty.

She makes it a point to get up early every day so she can run upstairs and sit with grandma while she gets ready for work. Grandma is much nicer than mom and lets Taycee put on her make-up. She always starts the morning looking quite beautiful. One morning she used a particullarly dark shade of purple eyeshadow and was quite generious in it's appliction. When she woke me up she smiled her biggest smile and said "It looks like someone punched me in the eye huh!" she was so proud.

 

Taycee has taken this transitional time the hardest out of everyone. It breaks my heart a little. She cries at night and won't sleep anywhere but our room on the floor. She doesn't like me to leave a room without her in toe and often asks about her friends back at home. I think having Kaden gone all day at school makes it especilly hard on her. She is use to having him as a sidekick all day long.

 

She is still my very best helper though. She takes especially good care of Addison. One night she was asleep on my floor and I turned on a show on my laptop, the noise woke her up and she shot up and said "Is that my Boost? Does she need me?" She loves to take the bottles after I pump in the morning and put them in the fridge, and is an excellent binki finder.

 

Kaden is thriving, as he always does. Everyone is his friend and he is happy to be wherever he is. First grade here is a little behind his old school, so things are quite easy for him. We are looking at moving him into a few harder programs.

 

We have recieved an offer from Virginia and it seems to be right. We are going to the temple tonight and hope to be able to be able to give them a desicion soon. Life is changing quickly, here is to hoping we can hang on for the ride!

 

 

A Poem for Chris

One day in the wee hours of the morning before the sun had made an appearance I was wide awake. Chris was pulling another all nighter at the school and baby girl was kicking up a storm inside my belly. So I did what I always did when sleep wouldn't come. I party planned. This particular morning I was thinking about the "speech" part of the night. I knew I wanted to "toast" Chris for his accomplishment but I also knew that I would be far too emotional that night to stand a shoot off the hip. 

As I started contemplating how best to express my feelings to him this poem was formed. And for preservation sake I will share it here.

We started on this journey just over 4 year ago

Little did we know back then just how much we’d grow

You entered into the program as a father of only one

We’ve added 3 more girls since then, oh boy, we’re in fun.

Looking back on the past 4 years the journey seems rather small

Wait, who am I kidding? That was one heck of a long haul.

These last few months seemed like they would last an eternity

Maybe it was the papers, the job hunt… or just maternity.

You’ve missed a lot of things these years. Appointments, Parties and Firsts

But you’ve always seemed to be right there whenever I would burst

You’d gently talk me off the edge and lovingly remind

In order to reap all the rewards we had to do the time

You missed a lot of things, these years but gained some new things too

Hearing Aids, Grey hairs and debt, just to name a few.

All joking set aside, it’s true your accomplishments aren’t small

Not many people I know can say they’ve climbed so great a wall.

The many nights you stayed at school Skype was our best friend

You’d call at bedtime to see the kids and all your love would send.

The kids know just how hard you work, and we’d always find it funny

When at night Kaden would pray you could go to work and buy us money.

We’ve come to the end of this journey, we stood through it side by side

We took the downs along with the ups and in turn lengthened our stride

We’ve been students of this college for all our married life.

But now I am happy to declare I’m Dr. Claytons wife.

And so my love you’ve done it! You finished out the course.

And now it’s time to move along and bring the world your reckoning force.

Before we turn the final page there is one thing you should know

I’ll follow you around the world wherever you may go

I’d follow you to China, or live in Timbuktu

But if you try to get one more degree…. I might be leaving you.

Then, just like that, it was done.

It was a journey, a really long 4 year journey. It actually felt a lot longer than 4 years. There were times, a lot of times, when I wasn't quite sure how we were going to make it through the papers, stress, and all nighters which would turn into all weekers.

But we did.

And on August 16th Chris defended his 241 page dissertation.

Invitations were sent and the party was planned. I may or may not have started planning this event MONTHS before August came. I was a little anxious for the day to come.

At 1:00 pm Chris started his defense. We are so blessed to be surrounded by family who love and support us. Chris had a record family attendance with 24 people coming to support him.
I snapped this picture right at he was beginning, it is poor quality with poor lighting but I just had to get a shot of my guy up there in his element showing off  what he has worked so hard to accomplish.

He impressed us all with his knowledge although most of us didn't understand a word of what he said. After his presentation they dismissed the general public and Chris was left to defend his work to the board of professors. It was a grueling hour both for him and me. My emotions and nerves were all over the place as I paced and waited outside the lecture hall. When he finally came out he looked a little beat up but he was pleased with himself I could tell. He got to sit with us as the panel deliberated but it was only a few minutes before they came out with a "Congratulations Dr." and he was taken back into the room for their final acceptance. That was about the same time that my composure was lost and happy happy tears flowed. We had made it. The crazy hard, crazy good, crazy intense 4 years were finished. 

a few pictures with the Dr. himself.

Proud parents

The hard part was over. It was time for the party. I have to say that I am not a party planner, but we did our best to put together a pretty big shin dig. I am so lucky to have in-laws who are fantastic party planners. We put our head together and I was more than happy with how it all turned out.

We had a dessert bar with a soft serve ice-cream machine and lots of candy toppings. All in Ute colors of course.

Aunt Kathy made her famous cake balls at Chris's request. 

I made a timeline of Chris's school pictures from preschool to Ph.D. It was a lot of pictures and it was fun to see how he had changed throughout the years. He has been in school for 23 years in all. 

I wish I would have been able to capture a picture of all the people who came to celebrate with us. I believe we had over 80 people come. The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" felt so applicable maybe more just "It takes a village to help Jill make it through grad school". We were so blessed to be lead to an area where we were surround by a strong support system. We had neighbors who were always willing to watch a kid(s) when I had dr. appointments and I will always remember our epic girls nights where we stayed out talking and laughing til all hours of the night. I am pretty sure one such girls night put me into labor with Addison. I have never laughed so hard. We are so blessed to be surrounded by good people. 

I wish I would have gotten more pictures of the night, the guests and activities. We played a few minute to win it games that would have made excellent photo material. However I spent the night running from here to there trying to keep everything running smoothly. I did snap a few pics of the fam, I tried hard to let the party be just as much for the kids as it was for Chris. They put in a lot of daddy-less time and deserved a celebration as well.

The bounce house was the party favorite for the kids. They played on it for the entire 3 hours.

Chris has some awesome uncles who traveled a LONG way to make it. I believe J.D. flew in from Tennessee. Here is a picture of the Clayton men.

Just like everything in life, the night came to a close and we said good-bye to many good friends that we won't be seeing for quite some time. It was a bitter sweet moment. Although we are over the  moon about completing this phase of life, it has been fun. We have grown more than we knew we could. We have made some incredible friends. We found "home" in our ward and the people there. We will miss a lot about this time I am sure of it.

But we are DONE!! And nothing described the feeling that brings better than this picture.

Now it is on to the next adventure in life. Good thing I get to hold these peoples hands while we go.