Growing Up and inadequacies

Can I say that I hate that my kids are growing up. I still call Taycee my baby, and yesterday when I put her hair in a pony tail for the first time the rude realization hit me... she is not a baby. She is a little girl. She talks like a little girl, she has strong opinions of what she does and doesn't want, she carries a doll around constantly and calls it her baby and she thinks she needs to take her purse with her when she goes somewhere. A baby doesn't do any of those things. :( WAAAAAAA ( am I allowed to be a baby about losing my baby?)

Being a mom is hard. Maybe it is not hard for everyone, but it is hard for me. I am constantly questioning my adequacy and capabilities. These doubts arise a lot when it comes to Kaden. The nursery in our new ward is VERY structured there is a set amount of minutes for each activity( puzzles, snacks, singing, toys, lesson..) this has been very hard for Kaden. Our old nursery was pretty much 2 hours of non stop free time. He was one of 3 kids in the nursery and one of the others was Taycee. Now he is one of 12.

We stayed with him in nursery this last week and it became very apparent to me that Kaden is not like the other kids. The other kids sit quietly and play with their puzzles, Kaden throws pieces and wants to run around and play games. Now I think part of this is because he is use to nursery being run any way he wants it, but I also think he has a hard time structure. At home I do not have a set structure for every day. We wake up eat breakfast and then play the day by ear. I don't make him sit down and do puzzles if he doesn't want to. I don't have a set "learning" time each day. Pretty much sleeping and eating are the only set routines every day.

I left church on Sunday feeling like I had failed as a mother. Do most moms have their 2 year olds on strict schedule through the day? Should I be making Kaden sit down with me 4 times a day for 20 minutes learning letters and words? Is he still struggling with his speech because I somehow am just not doing it right?

Kaden has always been behind with his speech. The doctor contributes most of that to the fact that he had constant ear infections from 3 mo to 2 years. He didn't hear the way most kids do. All of his sounds sounded like they were coming from underwater. Once we put tubes in his ears he started improving, he makes great improvements each month, however he is still not where most kids his age are. This is hard. It is hard for him and it is hard for me. Because of his speech he has a hard time explaining himself and reasoning the way most 3 year olds do. As a result his actions and behavior also seem a little behind. I want to help him but I find myself at a loss of knowing what to do. We have taken him to 2 different speech therapists all who say that he is behind but now far enough to need speech therapy.

Why oh why don't children come with an instruction manual. For trouble in speech see page 98. For fixing your inadequacies as a mother see pages 99-210.

So as of this week we are on a schedule at our house. We have a set time for learning activities and craft activities and singing time and outside time. There is still free time because I just can't accept that my 1 and 3 year old have to live the life of an adult. I think that kids should be able to be free and have fun and play with marbles if they want and then go play in the dirt if they want. But I also realize that the world is changing and kids are expected to know more sooner.

If anyone has ideas for me I am more than willing to hear them. I feel sort of like I am drowning and grasping for something to keep me afloat.

Here is to schedules and learning to talk!

Dirt and weeds

Before we moved into this house we decided we would pretty much tear out everything in the back and redo it. If you notice in some of these first pictures whoever lived here first put in this HORRID rock pad. Basically they laid down a bunch of rocks into a square and cemented them all together. It was a major safety hazard for little feet trying to navigate around. You can also see a run down fountain in the corner next to the tree. We didn't really want a big tub of water for the kids to fall in so we decided that would have to be torn out to.

We went to Home Depot one night and rented a jack-hammer. ( That's right, I actually ran a jack-hammer and it was sweet) We tore up the entire patio in one night. Next we moved on to the fountain. What we hadn't realized about the fountain was that it went 3 feet into the ground and it was solid cement. We had already returned the jackhammer so Chris had to break it all up by hand.
about 12 hours later the back yard now looks like this...

These are the piles of rock and fountain and cement built up on the side of our house.... we need to get a truck to haul them away.

The kids have spent some time outside with us as we work on this project. Unfortunately most everything is dirt right now. We are finishing up the sprinklers before we lay sod and seed so when they come outside they usually end up looking like this...

As you can see Taycee doesn't like being dirty. We were watering the yard with a sprinkler this day. The kids thought it was great fun to play with the water but then Taycee did a belly flop down the dirt hill and ended up one big muddy mess. Thank Heavens for bath tubs.

We are hoping to have a green fun yard for the kids by end of July. Wish us luck.

Farewells

We have had a lot of goodbyes this month. First we said good bye to our old apartment. While that was a bit sad it was not nearly as sad as saying goodbye to our old ward. We loved it there. We love the people of that ward, we love the spirit that is there. I have never felt more welcomed or loved in a ward. We even like our callings ( and they were time consuming callings). I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that we will not be returning to the Mountainview ward.
More recently we said goodbye to Ben and Jenny who both left on missions the same day.
We had a big family farewell party for Jenny at my parents house. They opened the pool up and we did a bbq. Kaden got worn out from all the fun and crashed on the chair. Wed the 23rd we drove to Provo to say our final goodbyes. Although it is sad to think I won't see my sister for 18 mo. seeing how happy she was to be going made it hard to fell sad at all.

We met at Golden Corral for lunch.

She will be such a powerful missionary. I just read her first letter last night and she said "I feel like a beached whale that is back in water... I BELONG HERE." I was so impressed with that statement ( although at first I was confused about the whale part) I do not know many people who could step into an environment of 24 hour gospel study/no entertainment/ no media/constant gospel instruction and without hesitation say I belong here. But it's true, Jenny does belong there. She is good as gold and is thriving in a place where she can feel the spirit uninterrupted all day every day. She will be missed but the good she will do in the Philippians will be great.

We also said goodbye to Ben. We met him at Panda Express where he was eating lunch with his family. He is a good kid and we are excited to have him join the family when he gets home.

June

I really am trying to keep this blog updated. But every time I find some time to come to it I find myself almost a month behind.

June started us out with moving. It was a long tiring day. We rented the biggest U-haul they offered and still had to load up about 4 cars to get everything out in 1 trip. A HUGE thanks to our families who not only loaded and unloaded us but also helped scrub floors, unpack boxes, entertain kids, and keep me from falling apart. We really do want to break this habit of moving every year or so.

We got moved in and all of the boxes unpacked just in time for Chris's birthday to sneak up on me. :) Money is a bit tight around our house and since we spent money on new furniture to fill up the extra space in the house Chris had a very low-key birthday. However I did make him all of his favorite food. And we ended the day with a bunt cake that was quite delicious. I sure do love this guy. I know that every one thinks that they married the best man ever.... but I really did. It is so wonderful to be married to someone who I feel was made for me. I know some people who have to work really hard to make their marriage work and to be honest, I don't. Being married to Chris is for the most part a breeze. He is so easy going and mindful of others needs. Not a day goes by he doesn't ask how I am doing and make sure he is doing everything he can to make my day better. He is always so willing to take over kid duty and let me take a break. He cleans, he cooks, he fixes, he loves, and he works so hard to make life easy for me and the kids. He is a one in a million kind of guy and I often stop and wonder how I got so lucky. More than once my family has commented in amazement at how attentive he is to me. He really is the best husband ever.

I find it kind of rude that I married my best friend who I happen to like quite a bit and then life says he has to be gone for 70% of the day working. :( If I had it my way he would be home with me every day, because we never get sick of each other. I never want him to go so I can have a break, he is my closest friend and confidant and if I could keep him here forever I would.

He is the man of my dreams... actually that's not true... even my dreams weren't this good. He is more than I ever hoped to find and I hope to be as good to him as he is to me.

I LOVE YOU Chris!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

18 mo.

This cute little girl is 18 mo. ( well actually she is almost 19 mo.)

We took her to the doctor for her check up and she is coming in at...

Weight - 26 lbs - 72 percentile
Height - 33 in - 95 percentile

So she is basically really tall. Surprise.

She is so dang smart its not even funny. She talks almost as well as Kaden. ( okay slightly exaggerating...)

She has too many words to list but I will list the top ones she says

* "where's Tayee" ( while hiding somewhere)
* gobba gobba ( when looking for someone) - we do this when we play hide and seek with the kids they say gobble gobble and we say it back ( kind of like marco polo)
* my baby ( her dolly)
* juice
* fishie
*Kaden
*bampa (grandpa)
*bama (grandma)
*peees ( please)
* da ju ( thank you)
* Hode ju ( hold me)
* nugga ( snuggle)
*banke ( blanket)
*beeke ( binki)
* ni ni (night night)
*bye bye
*side ( out side)
*dink ( drink)
* Cassee (Cassidie)
*Doug

*Huter ( Hunter)
*puss (purse)
*memo ( elmo)
* yucky
*poo poo
*pee pee
*potty

*cheese

*cacker (cracker)

*book

*show

*han ( hand) - she says this when she is trying to go down the stairs

and her most favorite word of all
DADA- She loves her dad and follows him around from the minute he gets home, she won't let him out of her sight and usually insists on being held by him.

She can do the sounds for most animals and loves to tell people "no no"
She is getting quite the attitude and I can tell we are going to have to be on our toes with her.

She is the princess of the home and there is no doubt she is well aware of that.

Kaden is 3!!

This boy turned 3 on the 30th of May. I can't believe it. He is my baby....or he was my baby. I have a hard time accepting that he is a little kid now. And truthfully he is not even little. He is wearing anywhere from 4T-5T clothing. I took him in for his 3 year check up and he is now 41 lbs and 41 1/2 inches tall. The doctor smiled and said yep he is where he has always been... way off the charts. We've got to get this kid into some sort of sport and quick. :)

He is changing and growing up so fast it is hard to document it all. In the last month we have

* Gotten rid of the binki ( HALLELUJAH)

* Finished potty training. ( this is my greatest accomplishment ever... bar none.) Getting him to go poop in the potty was something else and I spent many a day cleaning poop out of underwear and pants and one day even off of walls and TV's. It's been horrible, I can't tell you how glad I am it is over.

* Is really starting to understand things better. He speech has come so far. I still think he is a little behind but he is catching up so quick that I don't worry about him anymore.

*Is sleeping in his own bed again HOORAY! I thought the move might scare him back into sleeping with us every night, but he actually seems to like his new room more than his old one.

This is the dinosaur cake I made him for his birthday. Its not the best but he LOVED it and that's all that matters.

This is the first year I haven't done a big party for him. We were a week away from moving and I just didn't have it in me to organize anything big. So we had some family over and did a bbq. To be honest I don't think he cared one bit. He was very spoiled as always by grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles. Thanks to all.

He got a new bike. The one in the picture was too small so we traded it for the size bigger which is a little too big. But he will riding it in no time.

Sunday we went and visited graves with Chris's family. Here we are at Claudias mom's grave.

Kaden is my snuggle bug. He loves to snuggle and several times a day comes to me with outstretched arms says "I want to nuggle mom". I love it, however, I am worried it might cause him a few problems in the near future. I am not sure he understands that not everyone wants to "nuggle" like he does.

A few weeks ago he went to church with grandma Clayton. After the first hour of nursery she went to take him to the bathroom. After seeing her he decided he did not want to go back to nursery and insisted on joining her. She was in primary that day so took him along with her. When he got to primary he sat down next to a little sunbeam girl and instantly fell in love. He was unabashedly staring at her with wonder and slowly his face started moving closer to hers. She was not so comfortable with this and kept looking at Claudia with "help me" expression. As Kaden got close to her face he puckered up his lips and went in for the kill. She dodged it, ( first crush, first rejection all in a matter of minutes) and Claudia decided it was time to help her out. She told Kaden to come sit on her lap and he said " no grama I want to nuggle" He scooted up right close to her and put his arms around her. The poor litte sunbeam girl didnt want anything to do with him and didnt return and affection. Kaden finally got the hint and dropped his arms and went back to grandma pouting and rejected.

This was actually while we were camping. Kaden decided his cousin Ashlynn was worth a "nuggle" too. Oh boy... we might be in trouble.

Camping in Heber

At the end of May we were able to go to the Heber Valley Church camp with all of Chris's extended family. It was a lot of fun. We stayed for 3 days and the kids loved being able to run free, play in the dirt, and have so many fun friends to play with.

They thought riding in the wheel barrow was pretty fun.

On the last night we were there we saw this moose up in the trees. It is actually down on its knees here. It was HUGE. This camp is run by the church and is used mostly for girls camps. They have 5 different challenge courses you can sign up to do. We signed up for one of them and this was part of the challenge course.



There were two metal cords that started close together and got further and further apart the longer you walked on them. The point of the challenge is to get you to lean on your partner so you are able to walk all the way to the end.


As you can see in the picture below I obviously trust Chris more than he trusts me. I am completely leaning into him and he is just bending over and sticking his butt out.





Kaden wanted a turn so he went with daddy.

The big part of this challenge course was this HUGE swing. You get harnessed onto a little disc seat and they pull you up to the top of this tree and then you free fall and swing for a bit.

This is Kelly.


This is Chris being pulled to the top

And after he let go...

Kaden can never be left out so he wanted a try

It was very very cold the whole time we were up there. We were in the middle of moving so most of our winter coats were in a box somewhere. To keep the kids warm we layered them in all sorts of clothing. Kaden walked around looking like this most of the time.

We rented a bunch of canoes and paddle boats while we were there. Kaden rode with grandma and grandpa and thought it was great

Taycee rode with Chris and me and didn't love it so much.


Here is a few of our group out on the lake.

This was most of the group. A few kids had already taken boats out.

Cute Taycee in her life jacket

It was a really fun trip despite the cold. Taycee got sick the last night and actually threw up in the middle of the night. Luckily Chris caught all of it in his hands ( gross right?) which was a huge blessing because we were able to keep our bedding and stay til morning. We left early the next morning and she seemed to recover quite quickly.

All in all the first camping trip of the year went very well. :D

Introducing the King and Queen....

of bath foam land

They also happen to rule the house.