Master of none... this is me in a nutshell. Lately I have been feeling a little discourages with myself. I think that everybody has those times when you just feel a bit down. Anyway I have been feeling "not good enough" in a lot of areas. Not a good enough mom, not a good enough wife, not a good enough homemaker, not a good enough young womens leader, not a good enough... you get the point. It seems to be that I am "good" at a lot of things but not "great" at anything. I can pick up any task pretty easily and do it fairly well but I never get to the point where I am great at it. I am a good piano player, an ok singer, an ok cook, I am decent in crafty things, I do all right teaching... la de da. But there is nothing that I really really excel in. There is nothing that people would say "oh you have to have Jill do that she is the best". I am not saying it is bad to be mediocre in most areas. I just want to feel like I am really good at something. Oh well, I will learn to be ok with "good".
Last night Chris and I had a California Speed showdown for dish duty. I lost :( afterwards I asked Chris if he had ever made a card house. I didn't know I was about to start an obsession. For the next 30 minute Chris tried to build a card house. And he actually got a full pyramid to stand for about 30 seconds.
Kaden is a lover of all things sweet. And he has become a little cookie monster. He is tall enough now to reach anything on the cupboards. I made tray of cookies a few days ago and a few hours later found they were all gone...the culprit?? KADEN, he had reached up onto the stove and cleaned the entire tray. I made Cinnamon rolls this week and Kaden helped himself to a few of those as well. He loves LOVES to lick the spatula or beaters when i finished mixing.
Taycee is walking with her walker again! She had a bad fall a few weeks ago and refused to even stand with her walker. But on Sunday she stood up on it and started walking. WAHOO! She also imitates everything we do. She smacks her lips if we do, she claps when we clap, and she copies Kaden when he plays with his toys. It is cute.
Today Kaden said "I want a drink" So I opened the fridge and he immediatly went for the apple juice. I told him he needed to have milk this morning to which he said " ah dane it"
Kaden has gotten a bit defiant. This was last nights conversation between him and Chris
Chris " Kaden take your pants off its time to put your jammies on"
Kaden: "No, don't want to"
C: " Are you crazy? dont tell me no I am the boss"
K: " No, I 'm da boss"
C: "No, I am"
K: " No I am"
C: " You are nuts"
K: " You are nuts"
oh joy, and he is only 2.
Chris and I have spent some time reminiscing lately and I realized there have been some really funny things that I have never documented. So for the purpose of documentation I am putting it in this post.
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Chris talks in his sleep from what I hear he always has and from what I can tell he always will. The first night we were married we were in Florida on our Honeymoon and he wakes up ( or so I thought) in the middle of the night and says " do be do be do, and cut! Ha ha, that was so funny" to which I respond in a very tired and confused voice "what was funny?" He looks at me fairly annoyed and says " you know, the old ladies getting on the plane. Like we have tickets for" I was incredibly confused at this point and said " Honey I think you were dreaming, you don't know what your talking about" he starts to realize he is sleep talking and gets embarrassed/angry and says " I am NOT dreaming. I know EXACTLY what I am talking about." Then grabs the covers rolls over and goes back to sleep. I laid there for a while thinking we had just had our first fight trying to figure out what just happened. He woke up in the morning with no recollection of the event.
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Chris is a St. George boy and is use to the heat. He likes to be warm and was not accustomed to Salt Lake winters. I have a slight OCD problem with having to have a fan or some type of air circulating through the room when I sleep. The first winter we were married Chris and I were going to bed, ( it was very cold outside and we were trying to use very little heat as we were POOR but the house was probably about 70 degrees) I turned on the fan and slipped under the sheet and quilt we had on the bed. I looked over to see Chris huddled underneath 6 or 7 blankets shivering. He looked at me with a mix of horror/pleading and said " Jill turn off that fan we are going to get pneumonia and DIE!" I laughed so hard I cried. We still laugh pretty hard over that because he is now the one who has to have a fan on to sleep.
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One night Chris was a little restless in his sleep, he started to mumble things I couldn't understand, I was giggling a little bit when he "woke up". He sat straight up in bed glared at me and said " I am going to run you over". I am use to outbursts like this now so I stifled a laugh and said "with what?" He got a little bit angrier and said "MY HEAD". Then he immediately laid down and went back to sleep.
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There are so many more but those are the first three to come to mind.
4 comments:
I just hate the "terrible twos" these little boogers go thru. It's hard on Mommy and Daddy. They are still darling little kids though. I love your blogs...
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're still young and trying to find your place in the world. I'm old and I still feel that way sometimes. It's important to do the very best you can in everything you do whether you are "the best" at it or not. I've often thought how wonderful it must feel to win a gold medal and know you are the best in the world at some one thing. Bloom where you're planted as they say and eventually you'll catch the vision of what you are meant to do in this life. You and Chris and your children make me happy and I love your visits and spending time with you. I know it's not much to you but it means the world to me.
Love,
Aunt Kathy
So I just read your blog and it confirmed for me again how we seemed to go through the same emotions or experiences at the same time!!! I guess I am a bad friend because you never came to me and talked to me about feeling down. Well I can honestly say I know how you feel, except instead of having lots of things I am mediocre about, I have a few things I am okay with. Anyway, I know this won't make you feel better, but here it goes. I am always comparing myself to you and how talented you are. I hate and get jealous that you are so multi-faceted and have too many talents for me to keep up with. Ha ha that is too funny, here I am jealous of you and your talents, yet you don't think you are talented enough???? I guess I need to aim higher? Nah, I think I would feel very accomplished and complete if I had half the talents you have: singing, dancing, cooking, craftiness, intelligence, amazing memory, piano, beautiful, and a good wife. What more can you ask for? I hope you know how great you are :) I know it is your personality to want to be better and even perfect at things but you need to take it easy on yourself. Love ya
I hear ya girl...i get that "not good at anything" feeling quite often. I think a lot of it has to do with being a stay at home mom and not having a career with any real "specialty". I think we get lost in our own lives and dont realize just how good we ARE at what we do as mom's, wives and home makers!! It's hard to keep from thinking "what am i going to be when i grow up" though!
Those stories of when you were first married are hilarious!!!:) I should document some of our early marriage experiences that we still get quite a kick out of:o) Trust me, I, like Jocelyn, find myself thinking WWJD?(What would Jill do?) You have lots of people who look up to you for all your talents as a mother, a wife, and a friend. These are just moments when the adversary is really working to get you down. I'm grateful for our friendship cause it helps to have someone to look to for guidance, even from a viewpoint, and many times you've been that person for me!
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