Can I say that I hate that my kids are growing up. I still call Taycee my baby, and yesterday when I put her hair in a pony tail for the first time the rude realization hit me... she is not a baby. She is a little girl. She talks like a little girl, she has strong opinions of what she does and doesn't want, she carries a doll around constantly and calls it her baby and she thinks she needs to take her purse with her when she goes somewhere. A baby doesn't do any of those things. :( WAAAAAAA ( am I allowed to be a baby about losing my baby?)
Being a mom is hard. Maybe it is not hard for everyone, but it is hard for me. I am constantly questioning my adequacy and capabilities. These doubts arise a lot when it comes to Kaden. The nursery in our new ward is VERY structured there is a set amount of minutes for each activity( puzzles, snacks, singing, toys, lesson..) this has been very hard for Kaden. Our old nursery was pretty much 2 hours of non stop free time. He was one of 3 kids in the nursery and one of the others was Taycee. Now he is one of 12.
We stayed with him in nursery this last week and it became very apparent to me that Kaden is not like the other kids. The other kids sit quietly and play with their puzzles, Kaden throws pieces and wants to run around and play games. Now I think part of this is because he is use to nursery being run any way he wants it, but I also think he has a hard time structure. At home I do not have a set structure for every day. We wake up eat breakfast and then play the day by ear. I don't make him sit down and do puzzles if he doesn't want to. I don't have a set "learning" time each day. Pretty much sleeping and eating are the only set routines every day.
I left church on Sunday feeling like I had failed as a mother. Do most moms have their 2 year olds on strict schedule through the day? Should I be making Kaden sit down with me 4 times a day for 20 minutes learning letters and words? Is he still struggling with his speech because I somehow am just not doing it right?
Kaden has always been behind with his speech. The doctor contributes most of that to the fact that he had constant ear infections from 3 mo to 2 years. He didn't hear the way most kids do. All of his sounds sounded like they were coming from underwater. Once we put tubes in his ears he started improving, he makes great improvements each month, however he is still not where most kids his age are. This is hard. It is hard for him and it is hard for me. Because of his speech he has a hard time explaining himself and reasoning the way most 3 year olds do. As a result his actions and behavior also seem a little behind. I want to help him but I find myself at a loss of knowing what to do. We have taken him to 2 different speech therapists all who say that he is behind but now far enough to need speech therapy.
Why oh why don't children come with an instruction manual. For trouble in speech see page 98. For fixing your inadequacies as a mother see pages 99-210.
So as of this week we are on a schedule at our house. We have a set time for learning activities and craft activities and singing time and outside time. There is still free time because I just can't accept that my 1 and 3 year old have to live the life of an adult. I think that kids should be able to be free and have fun and play with marbles if they want and then go play in the dirt if they want. But I also realize that the world is changing and kids are expected to know more sooner.
If anyone has ideas for me I am more than willing to hear them. I feel sort of like I am drowning and grasping for something to keep me afloat.
Here is to schedules and learning to talk!
6 comments:
Oh sweetie! I hate that our society makes us feel so inadequate at mothers! I have serious doubts that you are anything less than an awesome mom!
My personal belief is, yes kids need structure. But they do NOT need a rigid set schedule everyday. A kid isn't going to learn as much (or anything at all) if they are forced to do something. I am the same as you, the only thing with a schedule in our house is eating and sleeping. And half the time i dont even stick with that! lol! But my oldest knows how to count to 20, most of his letters by sight, has a huge vocabulary, and is smarter that i think i want him to be! ;) And it's not because i sat him down four times a day for 20 mintues to teach numbers, letters and colors. It's because i let him lead. If he wanted to play trucks in the dirt, we did, and we talked about what colors the dirt and grass are, how many trucks he has, what shapes the wheels are. If he wanted to paint, we did, and we painted shapes and letters, and talked about what colors flowers and the sky and the ground should be. If he wanted to fly his kite, we did, and we talked about the wind and why it makes it fly. If he wanted a treat, we talked about what color the grapes are, and why they roll all over when he throws them on the ground....lol!
Use whatever THEY want to do to teach them! And they might only want to do something for a few mintues, then move on to the next activity. (Especially if your boy is anything like mine....crazy kid!) Just roll with it, and use their little imaginations to your advantage!
You are NOT inadequate because you dont have a strict schedule. They are babies for heavens sake! (And i dont care how old they get. They'll ALWAYS be our babies! I'll probably call Wade "baby" til he's 30! lol!)
I dont have personal experience with the speech thing. But i do have a good friend with twin girls that had issues with ear infections too. When they got tubes put in their ears, it was amazing how quickly their speech improved. I'm guessing that with time, and a little speech therapy your little one will catch up just fine! And it wont be because you set a timer for everything! ;)
Oh sweetie! I hate that our society makes us feel so inadequate at mothers! I have serious doubts that you are anything less than an awesome mom!
My personal belief is, yes kids need structure. But they do NOT need a rigid set schedule everyday. A kid isn't going to learn as much (or anything at all) if they are forced to do something. I am the same as you, the only thing with a schedule in our house is eating and sleeping. And half the time i dont even stick with that! lol! But my oldest knows how to count to 20, most of his letters by sight, has a huge vocabulary, and is smarter that i think i want him to be! ;) And it's not because i sat him down four times a day for 20 mintues to teach numbers, letters and colors. It's because i let him lead. If he wanted to play trucks in the dirt, we did, and we talked about what colors the dirt and grass are, how many trucks he has, what shapes the wheels are. If he wanted to paint, we did, and we painted shapes and letters, and talked about what colors flowers and the sky and the ground should be. If he wanted to fly his kite, we did, and we talked about the wind and why it makes it fly. If he wanted a treat, we talked about what color the grapes are, and why they roll all over when he throws them on the ground....lol!
Use whatever THEY want to do to teach them! And they might only want to do something for a few mintues, then move on to the next activity. (Especially if your boy is anything like mine....crazy kid!) Just roll with it, and use their little imaginations to your advantage!
You are NOT inadequate because you dont have a strict schedule. They are babies for heavens sake! (And i dont care how old they get. They'll ALWAYS be our babies! I'll probably call Wade "baby" til he's 30! lol!)
I dont have personal experience with the speech thing. But i do have a good friend with twin girls that had issues with ear infections too. When they got tubes put in their ears, it was amazing how quickly their speech improved. I'm guessing that with time, and a little speech therapy your little one will catch up just fine! And it wont be because you set a timer for everything! ;)
Sorry about the duplicate posts....
Jill!! I love that picture of Taycee Baby on the chair. (Don't worry, I will probably always call her Taycee Baby) Anyway your photos are looking more and more professional every time I see them! Way to be! And I'm going to start on your blog redesign right this instant. Love ya!
I know I'm not exactly "qualified" to say anything on this subject (yet), but I say don't worry too much. I think we live in a societ that believes in TOO MUCH scheduling for little kids. Kids learn best by just playing, so don't take that away! I'm sure he'll catch up just fine. Like you said, he had a hard time hearing properly for a while, so that definitely would affect him. But he seems like a smartie pants, so just be patient and let him do his thing. :) And from what I can tell, you are an exceptional mom!!
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